Relationships that are not based on force

Consider that we have a number of what are called the modern democracies. In these nations, you are not allowed to drive a car until you have gone through a period of learning the laws, the theoretical basis for driving a car, and you have practiced driving a car so that you can pass a driver’s exam. Only then will you get a driving license and be able to drive a car. Yet these same countries have no requirements for producing and raising children. Anyone who has the physical capability can give birth to a child and raise that child without any prior requirements being met. Is this logical? Is this sustainable? Is this a rational approach by these very rational societies?

When you think about relationships, there is hardly a relationship in society that is more critical than the relationship between parents and children. There is hardly a relationship that has a greater impact both on people’s personal lives, but also on society. The way children are brought up has a major impact on how they become as adults, whether they can function in society. And the way that childhood unfolds, has a major impact on whether the parents or the children will need help from society, or whether they can follow a somewhat normal process of going to school, educating themselves and becoming productive individuals.

Why is it that societies have not done more to prepare people for becoming parents? Many societies have certain educational offerings, but they are not mandatory. Why is this the case? And here you need to recognize a certain dichotomy, a certain enigma that is present in these societies. The simple fact is that modern democracies are based on respect for individual human rights. And this is why democratic governments have traditionally been reluctant to interfere too much in people’s personal lives. It is as if the democratic government and the bureaucracy says that their influence stops at the front door to people’s individual houses and apartments, and that the government should not (as a general rule) interfere with what goes on in private homes. There is of course some interference, but still, as a general rule. This has created this inconsistency, because the underlying assumption must be that what goes on in people’s private homes is private, and therefore does not affect society.

But this of course, is not the case. What goes on in the private homes, especially in relation to how children are brought up, can very much spill over and affect society. What goes on in the relationship between father and mother, can very easily spill over and affect society. What people do to themselves in their homes if they live alone, can also spill over and affect society if they have substance abuse problems, get into crime or have psychological illnesses. You see here that in the current situation where there is often a breakup of families, single parents raising children, people getting into substance abuse while they have small children and so forth, you see that there is a rising cost to society, of dealing with these issues, seeking to help these people.

Societies are being forced to consider what they can do about this situation, what they can do to minimize the human cost and the cost to society. And there are as always two main ways that societies can go. One is that you can become a more and more rule-bound society, where you create laws that for example, mandate that people have to meet certain requirements in order to become parents. This is of course, something that many societies will be reluctant to do, because it very easily leads to a certain discrimination so that certain groups in society should not be allowed to have children. And this of course, is something that goes against the democratic ideals. You have here this one scenario, where societies will be forced to enact more and more rules, to interfere more and more with what goes on in private homes.

But there is an alternative to this, and the alternative is to raise awareness. You can realize that all progress that has happened in history has been brought about by a raising of awareness, more knowledge, more education, so that people can make better choices because they have a better foundation for making aware choices, rather than making unaware choices. This, of course is what we would like to see happen in the Age of Higher Awareness, so that societies realize that they do not have the desire or the authority to go into a private home and force people to bring up children a certain way, or to not have children. But what they can do is prevent the problems from happening.

How can you do this? You recognize that human beings are psychological beings, and that everything that happens in people’s lives is a product of the conditions in their psyches. And therefore, if a society wants to improve the quality of life for its own citizens, and if the society want to minimize the cost of social and welfare programs, then this society simply must educate its people about their psychology and how to resolve psychological issues.

It must become a priority for these welfare states to become wellbeing societies, where they from an early age seek to help children become aware of their own psychology, learn to master the basics of their psychology, deal with situations in a constructive way, overcome traumas that they have, whether they are recognized by society as coming from past lives or not. They can still help children heal these traumas, they can offer the parents and the children psychological counseling because actually this will be less of an expense for society, than going in and dealing with the problems after they have gone out of control. It is much less expensive for society to prevent many problems, psychological problems, than to deal with them after the fact.

The shift is that there is this growing awareness that societies cannot simply assume that people will on their own grow up to become productive citizens. They cannot assume that because a person or two people are biologically capable of producing a child, they are also psychologically capable of raising that child. Instead, they must go in at the earliest possible age, and help people become more whole in their psychologies, in their psyches. Wholeness of the psyche needs to become a priority of the most developed nations.

This of course, can lead to many different shifts, and quite frankly this will not happen first as a governmental program. There will be this raised awareness of the need to come together and form communities, based on a deeper connection between people. In the start, there will be groups of people in their late teens, early 20’s who are considering parenthood, but who will see the need to prepare themselves better for it. They can come together, they can create private organizations, private societies to educate people and to prepare them psychologically to become parents. They can also create groups where they seek to help each other, because they recognize that given the demands of work or study, it is not easy for a couple to raise a child in today’s world. And if couples can get together and involve older people, then they can form a community where it now becomes much more feasible to raise children.

These may sound like fairly simple changes, but they can actually be quite revolutionary in bringing forth a new awareness around parenting, and a shift in the relationship between parents and children. In the beginning, they will of course be based mostly on a pragmatic evaluation, but it can lead to much more. Where there is much more of an awareness, and a tradition for going deeper into the psychology. And this is then, what in the little more long-term will cause societies to say: “But we see that groups of people have done this, we see that it is working for them. What can we do as a society to help this process along?” And that is when you can create programs that start in kindergarten, educating people about psychology, you can start creating programs that offer psychological help to all prospective parents and existing parents.

You can recognize that a child goes through profound changes in the teenage years, and that it takes a certain education of both children and parents to be prepared for this, to deal with this. But, it actually also takes that in the teenage years is when parents really need help from outside to deal with the children. They may need it when the children are very young, and they need it in the teenage years. If they have some psychological healing and awareness, they can deal with the interim period themselves, hopefully with the help of others of their family or group. But still, society really needs to step up in the teenage years in order to help children over this difficult period.

What can this lead to in the little more long-term? Well, it can lead to a break-up of the old tradition where the family has become a unit (or is in many societies a unit) for promoting the sense of obligation, the sense of loyalty, where people feel obligated to behave a certain way towards their family members, or because they were brought up that way by their family members. And this needs to break up. And there is one area where it needs to break up in terms of the relationship between parents and children. And it is the sense of ownership.

There is today, especially in these traditional patriarchal societies, a sense that the parents own the children, and the children also have some ownership claim over their parents. In other words, there is that sense of obligation. You can see that even in modern societies people talk about “my children” “my parents” but truly, if you take the democratic ideals of individual freedom and individual human rights, no society can own it citizens. How can one citizen own another citizen? How can a parent own a child? How can a child own a parent? It is against these democratic ideals of individual human rights. When societies, as some of the modern democracies have started to do, move beyond this sense of ownership, then new avenues for helping people can open up.

You can have a sense where a person can give birth to a child without intending to raise it. Other people can raise the child, either adopting it or in other ways. There can also be this sense that you do not actually have to raise your child from infancy to adulthood. This will not be a general phenomenon. But what you will see is that there are situations where there is such an intense psychological dynamic between a parent or both parents and one child that neither the child nor the parents are thriving in the situation. In fact, their relationship is so dysfunctional that both parties are being hurt by it.

Now, of course some of these can be prevented with psychological help. But unless society acknowledges reincarnation, and makes an effort to help children (and parents for that matter) heal their past life traumas, there will still be situations where the karma, the psychology from past lives is so intense that it is actually detrimental to all people involved, including other siblings that might be exposed to the situation. In that case, it can be a sort of safety mechanism that parents could come to a decision where they say: “We do not feel capable of raising this child. What can society do for us?” And then parents can give up the child without being exposed to the condemnation that they are exposed to today in most nations. There can also come a point where a child can come to a certain age where it can say to a counselor: “I do not want to live with my parents anymore.” And then either counseling can be provided, or the child can be moved to a different situation, at least temporarily.

When ownership breaks up, what can break up is this sense of obligation, this sense of being trapped in a relationship. Quite frankly, there is a taboo in many modern nations, where as a parent or even as a child beyond a certain age, you are supposed to just try to get by no matter how difficult the situation is, because you are not allowed to say: “I do not want to do this anymore.” But really in a free democratic society, shouldn’t you have that option?

Perhaps not that many people will take advantage of it. If you can get rid of this trauma, this pressure where people feel imprisoned in the parent-child relationship, it can actually make the situation much easier for people, because they know there is an alternative, they know they are not truly imprisoned, and this can help both parties work out the relationship in a more constructive manner.

There can come an age where the children and the parents together with a counselor sit down and they discuss the future. And at the age of 12, children are old enough to do this. You can have a situation where the parents and the child agree to a contract that outlines how their relationship should form from now on. If the child stays at home, both parties agree to certain conditions. But there is also the option that the parties could agree that the child will move out of the home at least for a time. What will happen here is that this element of force that comes from the sense of ownership, the sense of obligation, will be taken out of the parent-child relationship.

Technology in the Age of Higher Awareness will not be force-based and relationships in the golden age cannot be force-based either. Now, once you have these principles set in place in the parent-child relationship, they will of course also impact the relationship between the parents. In the ge of Higher Awareness, there will be a much greater awareness in people before they enter a relationship where they consider having children. There will be a spreading of an awareness, an attitude that first of all, having children is not an obligation. You do not feel that you have to have children just because your parents had you, and they are pressuring you because they want grandchildren, or society pressures you to have children to promote the population growth that society is demanding. A couple will have the option to go together and decide we will not have children, or at least we will not have them until later in life, and there will not be any stigma associated with it.

But what will also happen is that there will be a greater awareness around relationships in general. What will happen is that people will enter relationships in a much more conscious way, so that what you see from your own generation, or your parents’ generation, is that people did not have contact with very many people, except for the local community. So, a child grows up, goes to school, meets a certain number of other children around the same age during its schooling years or in other contexts, and therefore it has a very limited selection for finding a partner.

Often these relationships can seem coincidental, so you met by coincidence and you became attracted to each other and you started a relationship. Now, in reality when you know about reincarnation, they are not always so coincidental, they are often karmic, where people incarnate in the same local area for karmic reasons and therefore are attracted to each other for karmic reasons. But, in the Age of Higher Awareness there will be less and less of these karmic relationships. Because when people work on their psychology, they do not have to be in these kind of karmic relationships.

People will become more aware that they need to know themselves better, they need to know what kind of relationship they desire, and therefore what kind of a person to look for in a relationship. They will then reach out via the Internet to a much broader base in order to find a partner that is more suitable. There will also be many means developed for pairing people up so they are more compatible in a relationship. You already have these dating sites that apply various criteria, but in the Age of Higher Awareness this will be expanded, become much more sophisticated so that people will have a much better foundation for meeting a partner. Where it is not based on a sexual attraction or a karmic attraction, but much more of a considered process of entering a relationship. It is not really a matter so much of are we sexually or romantically attracted to each other, but are we actually attracted to each other as partners who can reach or help each other reach the goals that we have for a relationship, or the goals we have individually.

What you see here, is that from a certain perspective, some of the mystery, some of the romance will be taken out of relationships. Relationships will become more like a business relationship based on pragmatic criteria. This may seem less romantic, but it will be far more harmonious, far more compatible. Will there still be marriage in these nations in the Age of Higher Awareness? Well, there may be some form of marriage, but more commonly there will be a contract that two partners will engage in, will work out together and will sign, because by doing this they make a greater commitment.

Traditionally, the higher purpose of marriage is to get the two partners to make a commitment to the relationship. Of course, this has been perverted so marriage was an obligation, especially if a pregnancy was involved and so this has not always functioned that way. Certainly today with the different attitude to divorce, it is no longer so much there. What will happen instead, is that this will be replaced by a conscious contract that the partners enter into, and many people will create such a contract before they decide to have children, and they will stipulate that they will commit themselves to living together and raising the children until the children are adults, whereupon they can reevaluate their relationship contracts.

Truly, all of this revolves around making people more aware of what they are going into when they enter a relationship (a love based relationship, a parental relationship) so that they do not go in blindfolded, it is not an unknown whether they can even function in the relationship. This will not only have deep positive consequences for the people because they will have far more peaceful and harmonious and constructive relationships. But it will also have immense positive impact on society, because you will not have the conflicts, the divorces, the broken up homes and the hurt children that you see today.

Truly, you may say that this is far less mysterious, far less romantic. But you can go back in time and say that there was a time where most people believed that there were supernatural creatures roaming the woods, and it gave a certain sense of mystery. People were not aware of bacteria, so they did not know why they got sick and died and this gave a sense of mystery, and this mystery is gone with the knowledge people have today. But yes, the mystery may be gone, but so are the diseases and the superstitions and the fears and would anyone want to trade and go back to the way things were?

You will see that, of course there will be a certain resistance to these changes, because people will hold on to this sense of romance. But what does this sense of romance really come from? Much of the sense of romance that people have today is partly based on the advertising industry. Where people are being programmed to seek this perfect relationship so that companies can sell them something. But if you trace this back to its origins, you will see that it again comes from the manipulators. The manipulators have managed to create this entire culture, where there is a longing for, this desire for the perfect romantic relationship. The manipulators have of course also done everything they could to give people these psychological wounds that makes it impossible for them to have the perfect romantic relationship.

What the manipulators have tried to do is to put people in a catch 22, where they have a certain desire, a certain goal, but it is guaranteed that it cannot be fulfilled. Partly because it is unrealistic to begin with, partly because people do not have the means to actually manifest it. The reality is that this dream of the perfect romantic relationship is a completely unrealistic expectation, certainly on a planet like earth but also because people do not have the psychological wholeness to have that kind of relationship. You see that the manipulators are simply doing this, partly to create chaos, partly to control people, partly to steal their energy by getting people in these situations where they release negative energy because they feel trapped, or they are in constant conflict.

What you really see, is that much of the images that people have of the perfect romantic relationship are really based on the epic mindset. Not in the sense that there is some epic change that must happen in society. But certainly in thinking that there is a drama that is being unfolded. In other words, finding this perfect romantic partner is like the ultimate personal drama for many people. Whether they find a partner or whether they find a partner they have conflict with, people are still feeling that they have drama in their lives. Many people still feel a need to have this drama.

In a sense, you could say that one aspect of modern society is that many people have gone into self-actualization needs but they have not received any help to actualize themselves. They do not have a sense of purpose for their lives and this leads to a sense of boredom. Many, many people in the more developed societies in the world are bored with their lives. They are looking for some kind of drama, to give them just a different focus for their attention, to pull their attention away from the humdrum of everyday life. This is also why you see people reacting in the United States to the political situation. Creating this epic mindset that a certain person needs to be President, or we will not have a country left. This is simply drama; it is nothing but drama.

You see again, personal relationships, the romantic relationship, the dream of the perfect partner is just a drama that is unfolding. You look at popular movies about relationships, and you see again how they always try to create the sense of drama around the relationship. There is always something that threatens the two people who are trying to get together, threatening to pull them apart, they have to overcome these circumstances and then they can have each other in the end.

Many people today need this drama, because they are still in that aspect of the epic consciousness. In a sense, you could say what is the entire epic mindset, it is just a drama. It is just the manipulators who are the ultimate drama queens and kings, who are enacting a drama and people are being pulled into this. What will happen and what has already started happening in the more evolved nations, is that some people have grown away from this need for the drama. They want something different, they want more than this. They are looking at these relationships that they have had themselves, they are looking at relationships of people they know and they are seeing how many dysfunctional relationships there are.

More and more people are beginning to wonder, is this really the only way a relationship can be? Does it have to be that way? Is there a different form of relationship? Can we have a more harmonious, a more constructive relationship? Can we have a relationship where we are not in an antagonistic battle, we are not trying to put each other down through sarcasm or irony but we are actually supporting each other, we have decided that we want to make the best of our relationship by accepting each other, by supporting each other and by helping each other grow.

And this can happen. When people become able to deal with their psychologies, they can make this choice and say: “Never mind the drama, never mind the romance, I want a relationship that is actually working, therefore I am not going to leave it up to chance. I am going to do whatever I can to find a partner who is compatible with my view of relationships.” Based on this, you might decide that you should buy stock in the more sophisticated dating companies. Joking aside, it is clear that there is the vast potential in the Age of Higher Awareness for helping people find a partner, for helping people become more conscious of relationships. There is a vast potential for books, for workshops, for courses. There could be an entire coaching program, where you now have coaches that are primarily aimed at business, but you could have a more widespread Relationship Coaching that is based on this desire to help people find compatible partners, because they are more aware of what they actually want out of a relationship.

If you look back to previous generations, you would see that people were not very conscious of what they wanted out of a relationship. They had been brought up with a certain view of relationships. They felt that they should enter a relationship, they should have children, they should have a home, but exactly how that should take place and how it should be designed, they had very little awareness of. Naturally, the golden age will raise people’s awareness, they will become able to define what kind of a relationship they want, they will also define and discover entirely new relationships that you do not even see today because people cannot imagine them based on what they were brought up with. There is a vast, vast potential in the Age of Higher Awareness for experimenting with new types of relationships, more conscious relationships, for helping people find such relationships and raise their awareness of what they actually want.

Some of you will have it in your Life plan to be a part of this trend, and to help bring forth these relationships. This does not mean you need to do this by promoting specific spiritual teachings. You simply take the ideas and you express them in a universal way, and you will find that people will respond to this. There will be people who are ready for these ideas and certainly, you will find if this is part of your Life plan that it will be very fulfilling work for you.